The IPL is an amazing venture. Though much has been written about about its pros, cons and con artistry, my issue is with the bastardization of cricketing language as we know it.
A sixer is a DLF maximum, a catch is a karbon kamaal catch and pretty much anything qualifies as a citi moment of success, including the time Ganguly tried to take a quick single and was run out or Yousuf Pathan hits a six. In fact there are CBZ xtreme sixes as well...so is it a maximum or a six? This has commentators debating the same with Barkha, Arnab and that screeching terror on IBN. Rajat Sharma is busy looking for the yeti in the badlands of Andheri.
In fact I would not be too surprised to hear commentators say this next.
Ultratech cement number 4 attempts a dlf maximum but a superb karbon kamaal from mountain dew number 23 has given the royal challengers a citi moment of success.
WTF!!!!!
Whats next? Tata nano singles, Run out Reliance, victoria's secret bouncers, even the government might jump in with GOI ducks, Ford stumped and so on...perhaps a viewsandabuse hit wicket.
I have heard rumours of commentators taking special orientation classes to unlearn IPL lingo for other cricketing series. One cannot have Ravi Shastri at the Oval during the Ashes saying "thats a citi moment of success." Especially when its sponsored by Barclays!
While drinking at "The Old Goat' pub the other day, I overheard Danny Morrison and Ian Bishop (respect) saying that there is a box of lights in the commentary box, each pertains to a different sponsor capturing the moment and lights up to remind the commentators to use these phrases.
In fact one would not be surprised to know that the commentators get extra bucks everytime one of these phrases is used. This is how Harsha Bhogle kicked Michael Kasprowicz in the nuts and had his woven hair ripped out.
And Laxman triple-deity needs to pay off those gambling debts it seems. Reminds me of a line in Oye Lucky, Lucky Oye, where a reporter keeps saying sansanikhej over and over.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
aaj rapat jaye...
And so the big debate for the week is the Big B of course. It seems each of his actions constantly need to be examined by a media microscope. But of course, Bachchchchan’s shenanigans with Parveen Babi or Rekha don’t matter of course. He was being a mard (or was is merde) after all.
But this time it was Modi, we have to be specific nowadays, the Gujarat ka sher Modi, Narendrabhai of course. There was some tomfoolery about Bachchchchchchan becoming Gujarat’s brand ambassador and the congress smelling some brownies with the grand begum, condemned it. Then begum asked Chavan to get Bachchchchchan’s autograph with a line below it saying ‘aaj rapat jaye toh hamein na utahayo’. So the controversy blew over.
For most of us.
The media smelled something else. They smelt blood, the way predators of yore and the 1421 types left in India do. There were debates galore on all television channels.
“Is Big B endorsing Modi’s politics?” debate: kjhbjbswjbcjbskcjbekjbkjbk (ad infinitum)
“Is Bachchchchchan only an actor or is it deeper than that?” debate: jfevjhejw (ditto)
“How can bachchchchchchan appear with congress and BJP leaders?” (ditto)
When will there be food security?” aaaaaaaahahahahahahhahahahahahhahaha….
How…ahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahha
And so on.
NDTV’s left, right and center (catchy name, but it could have been called directionless instead. Reminds me of the colosseum days when a man was tied to four horses in different directions and ripped apart. But all that’s ripped apart on the show is of course the interested viewer).
Coming to you live tonight a new NDTV LR&C starring-
Abishiek Manu Singhvi (in this 4037th performance)
Swapan Das Gupta (ditto)
Vir Sanghvi (ditto minus 302)
Mahesh Bhatt (He was free and Chandan mitra or Teesta were not available)
So the usual rubbish began, Singhvi first, Gupta retorts, Sanghvi gives his centrist point of view and Mahesh mouths all their comments in some other form or the other.
But the most interesting segment was when Nidhi Rajdhan looked Gupta square in the eye and said.
“Swapan tell me, honestly, honestly, some random question.”
OK.
First of all the guests on this show are primarily spokespersons for various political parties, not their agents of consciousness or their ideological devisors.
So repeating the word honestly over and over again, probably only caused her guests some minor nausea. Honest for most of these guys is only the name of a restaurant found in Baroda. Or perhaps shorthand for hornet’s nest. Or even a den of promiscuity if we were to consider American urban slang.
But this time it was Modi, we have to be specific nowadays, the Gujarat ka sher Modi, Narendrabhai of course. There was some tomfoolery about Bachchchchchchan becoming Gujarat’s brand ambassador and the congress smelling some brownies with the grand begum, condemned it. Then begum asked Chavan to get Bachchchchchan’s autograph with a line below it saying ‘aaj rapat jaye toh hamein na utahayo’. So the controversy blew over.
For most of us.
The media smelled something else. They smelt blood, the way predators of yore and the 1421 types left in India do. There were debates galore on all television channels.
“Is Big B endorsing Modi’s politics?” debate: kjhbjbswjbcjbskcjbekjbkjbk (ad infinitum)
“Is Bachchchchchan only an actor or is it deeper than that?” debate: jfevjhejw (ditto)
“How can bachchchchchchan appear with congress and BJP leaders?” (ditto)
When will there be food security?” aaaaaaaahahahahahahhahahahahahhahaha….
How…ahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahha
And so on.
NDTV’s left, right and center (catchy name, but it could have been called directionless instead. Reminds me of the colosseum days when a man was tied to four horses in different directions and ripped apart. But all that’s ripped apart on the show is of course the interested viewer).
Coming to you live tonight a new NDTV LR&C starring-
Abishiek Manu Singhvi (in this 4037th performance)
Swapan Das Gupta (ditto)
Vir Sanghvi (ditto minus 302)
Mahesh Bhatt (He was free and Chandan mitra or Teesta were not available)
So the usual rubbish began, Singhvi first, Gupta retorts, Sanghvi gives his centrist point of view and Mahesh mouths all their comments in some other form or the other.
But the most interesting segment was when Nidhi Rajdhan looked Gupta square in the eye and said.
“Swapan tell me, honestly, honestly, some random question.”
OK.
First of all the guests on this show are primarily spokespersons for various political parties, not their agents of consciousness or their ideological devisors.
So repeating the word honestly over and over again, probably only caused her guests some minor nausea. Honest for most of these guys is only the name of a restaurant found in Baroda. Or perhaps shorthand for hornet’s nest. Or even a den of promiscuity if we were to consider American urban slang.
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